THE MAN

It was a humid summer afternoon in the month of April. The temperature was nearing 50 degrees. I was trying to run some simulations in my laptop for solving Maxwell's equations using Finite Difference Time Domain method. It was kind of complicated and new to me. I had books, notes, papers lying all around on my desk along with my laptop. Work was moving slow.

My little cousin brother got up from sleep and came into my room rubbing his eyes, walking slowly.

“Dada, what are you doing?”

“Trying to find out the imaginary part of effective permittivity of a multi layered metal dielectric composite structure excited by a plane wave having approximate Gaussian profile” I replied absent minded.

“I see. Can I play NFSMW on your laptop?”

I looked up from my notes. “Didn’t you hear what I just said! I am trying to work here. Go watch TV or something.” And I resumed my work.

“But you are reading form your notebook. I want to use the laptop”. He persisted in his innocent cute childish voice.

“Maybe you can play in the evening? We will have a competition to see who finishes a race in the shortest time. Okay?”

He seemed happy with the suggestion. “Alright” he said.

He went off to the drawing room to watch some TV. I resumed my work.

After around half an hour he came back.

“Dada?”

“yes.”

“I am hungry”.

My parents and Riju’s parents went to a marriage in Dehradun together. Initially they wanted us to go with them but I was tied up with my work in institute while Riju was not feeling well so they left him in my care and went ahead. I being the DADA was supposed to cater to all his wishes.

“Right now?”

“hmm mmm”

I got up from my desk. I too needed a break. I went to the kitchen and made some maggi.

We were having it together sitting in our room.

“dada”

“Hm?” I replied with a mouthful of maggi.

“Who is a man?”

I was kind of taken aback.

“What do you mean? Man is a male who is matured” I answered it in the most general way possible.

“When is a male matured?”

“When he can take responsible decisions”

“What is a responsible decision” he prodded further.

Now let me tell you my cousin Riju is not your regular 5 year old. He likes to think deeply regarding all topics even on issues like what could be the origin of alphabets, why dogs are better than cats, what should be the amount of water used for making the right magi! And mostly I was supposed to have answers to all these questions. So I was kind of used to having such discussions with him. !

“Responsible decisions means taking the decision which you feel is the best in a given circumstance” I tried to explain it to him.

“Are you a man?” his question was so honest I almost flinched.

“Yes... I am taking care of you and doing my work at the same time. In the institute I handle a costly lab. So yes I do think that I am capable of taking the best decision, hence I am a man” I tried to justify it to him.

“hmm. How do you decide what is the best decision?”

“Best decision is the one which is in the best interest of the concerned party” I was hoping he will be content by now.

“I don’t understand”. He stated simply finally giving up on the topic.

“Neither do I” I murmured.

Next morning was Sunday. Today our parents were supposed to be back. It was 8’O clock in the morning. A man used to come to our society to take away the garbage on a daily basis. Everyday sharp at 8 he used to ring the bell asking for the garbage. Today when the bell rang as usual I was expecting him at the door, instead I found a lean young boy, probably around 13-14 years of age standing at the door.

“Yes. ?” I asked.

“Saab, I have come to take away the garbage”, the boy replied.

“But everyday Raam singh used to come.”

“haan saab. I am his son. Raju”

“oh. What happened? Is Raam singh okay?” I enquired while handing over the dustbin to him.

“Haan saab. Actually few months back we found out that my elder sister has got T.B. For her treatment we will need extra cash. So my father took up the job of a night watchman in the neighbouring society. Last night when someone was trying to break in a flat he went to stop them. They fought back and hit him on his head. So for the next few days he won’t be able to come.”

“Oh. Is it serious?”

“He got a nasty cut on his head. The doctor put stitches. Hs says it will take roughly 1 month for him to fully recover”.

“I see. So now that Raam Singh is injured what about the job of night watchman?”

“They appointed someone else.”

“But then how will you guys manage the treatment for your sister?”

“We will have to manage sir. Maybe I will try to find some work in Annapoorna dhaba, they need someone to wash the dishes. Maybe they will take me as a part time worker. My mother was saying she will try to findwork as a maid in some more houses”

“I hope they do. And what about your school? You go to school?”

“haan saab. I am in class 6^th. No worries there. My school starts at 10 , by then I will finish taking garbage and after school i.e. 3 pm, I can work in the dhaba. The main crowd in the dhaba is in the evening anyways. I won’t miss school for anything”

“good” . I was feeling sad for him. “Do you want some advance? “

The boy folded his hands “Nahi saab”

I was impressed. “Are you sure? We can adjust it later, it is no problem”

“Nahi saab. It is enough you asked. My father says god never gives us any more trouble than what we are capable of handling. I am sure we can handle this. Moreover my father won’t like it if I took advance form you”

I was pleasantly surprised at his sense of self respect. Here was a kid not more than 14 years in age, but was ready to slog it out with his family against all odds. Despite living in such dire conditions, he still had firm belief in god. 

A streak of sunlight from the rising sun was falling on his face; he looked matured way beyond his age.

He finished putting the garbage in his gunney bag. “Achha saab” He started to go.

“Okay. Take care” I replied.

Riju was up and was rubbing his eyes sitting on bed.

I went to the balcony. After a while I could see him coming down carrying the gurney bag. He put it on his rickshaw. He got up and tried to move it by pedalling, but he was not able to do it. He got down and tried pulling it, with his right hand beneath the seat and left hand holding the left handle. The rickshaw moved slowly.

I called Riju out in the balcony.

“Bhai, see there.” I pointed at Raju  “He is the man”. 

By that time he was out of our society.

DULHA

Today was supposed to be the biggest day of his life. Ever since he got a job this was the day his whole family was looking forward to. He was getting ready. 

He put on the suit. It was a bit loose but then there was no chance of getting it corrected now. So he was trying to convince himself that he looked good in the mirror. His friends were all ready and dressed. They were teasing him. 

“Come on Ramesh. You look fine. I guess every girl in the baaarat will ogle at you” said one of his friends. 

“The way he is getting dressed I think he will run away with the bride and the bride’s friends as well” said another and they all had a fit of laughter. 

Ramesh was not bothered. He was trying to smoothen his coat. No matter how hard he tried it was looking a bit wrinkled at the left collar. He asked Ravi to help him. 

“Yaar ravi. Please help me with this collar. I think it is wrinkled.” 

Ravi and others again had a fit of laughter. But Ravi got up from his seat anyway and helped Ramesh to straighten the collar. 

“You nervous?” 

“Honestly? Yes” replied Ramesh. 

“I can understand. Everybody is nervous on this day. But don’t worry it’ll be just fine” Ravi was trying to reassure him. 

Ramesh smiled nervously. 

“You know I remember the day when I was in your place. My mouth was literally dry. It was Rajan bhaiya who put my mind to rest. This tension is all till the time you are getting ready. Once you are out of this room with the baaraat you won’t feel nervous at all. In fact you will start enjoying.” Ravi continued to cheer him up. 

rajan bhaiya was the senior most person in their group and they all looked up to him for guidance and wisdom. Ravi’s words had somewhat calming effects on Ramesh’s nerves. He was genuinely smiling looking in the mirror. 
Just then rajan bhaiya came in to the room. 

“Good. All of you are ready. Come on now, pick up your instruments the baarat is about to leave.” And he went out of the room. 

All of them got busy. Ravi picked up the Clarinet and handed the Saxophone to Ramesh. 

Half an hour later they could be seen playing popular hindi songs of the year as a part of RAJAN BAND. The baaratis were dancing their hearts out. They had completely occupied one side of the road. The dulha was at the end of the baaraat on a horse carriage, almost forgotten while the band was at the side of the road playing songs on the move... never acknowledged. 

BLOOD

His back was against the wall. They say when there is no other option left to a man; he is possessed by certain madness. A madness stemming from the primeval instinct to survive at any cost. But the madness which was filling his eyes was something different. Amidst the fluorescent lighting, his young, unshaven, bony face was looking tired. Whenever anyone tried approaching him, he dangerously waved the pistol warning everyone not to come any step closer.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Arjun was supposed to go out on a dinner date with his girlfriend this evening. He was about to leave his office when he got the call from Deputy Commissioner of Police. A person was arrested on the charges of murder of a chemist in broad daylight. DCP wanted Arjun to carry out the interrogation of the arrested person. Being the junior-most officer in the police station, the onus of carrying out such tasks always fell on Arjun’s shoulders.

The case was a straightforward one. A murder has been committed in broad daylight. There were at least 10-15 eye witnesses who saw the crime happening in front of their eyes. They registered their statements at the police station. There was no way the convict was going to escape the sentence of at least life time imprisonment.

“God knows what more does the DCP wants” Arjun said to himself while walking towards the interrogation room. The convict was sitting in the chair with one of his hands hand cuffed to the handle of the chair. He was looking intently at the table and was scratching the wooden table with his nails. On the other end of the table was a vacant chair. As per protocol, one armed policeman was standing at one corner of the room.  Directly above the armed policeman there was a video camera to record the proceedings of the interrogation.

Arjun entered the room with a file containing the details of the case and the statements registered by various eye witnesses. The armed policeman saluted him; Arjun nodded in acknowledgement. He dropped the file on the table and took his seat on the vacant chair. The convict was still scratching the table intently.

Arjun, “the table is already in a poor shape, stop damaging it further.”

The convict stopped scratching the table and looked up straight into Arjun’s eyes. “The world is in a poor shape too, does that stops us from damaging it further.?”

Arjun, “look Mr….. (Arjun checked the convict’s name from the file) Abhay, I am not here to get lectures on philosophy from you. You have been arrested for murder of a chemist in your locality. DCP wants me to interrogate you, I don’t know why. But be assured, you are getting either the death sentence or the life time imprisonment. So cut out the crap.”

Abhay was still looking in Arjun’s eyes. “Okay. I will cut out the crap. I went to Paritosh medicos today morning to get some pain killers for Pari, it was very urgent. But I didn’t have money at that moment. I told him I will give him the money once I receive the payment for my paintings, but he refused. Rather he started abusing me and laughing at me. I tried to reason with him, but he didn’t listen. I asked him not to make fun of me and my paintings still he didn’t listen. He even called Pari a bitch. So I grabbed him by his hair and smashed his head on the counter, several times, till he stopped laughing. Then I left the shop and hurried back home to comfort Pari but she was gone by that time. After a while your guys came and put me here.”

Arjun was taken aback by the cool demeanour of Abhay when he was narrating how he murdered a man. Although he didn’t look like a hard core criminal but there was something sinister about him when he was describing how he committed the crime. Abhay was back at scratching the table.

Arjun, “I think I asked you to stop damaging the table.”

A smile spread across Abhay’s face this time, he didn’t stop; neither looked up, “officer, I am convicted for cold blooded murder, I am going to be hanged; slap another charge of damaging government property, I hardly care.”

Arjun had to smile at the cool manner in which Abhay was talking about his own death.

Arjun, “the file says, you were arrested earlier as well, trying to set fire to an arts exhibition.”

Abhay, “yes, MODERN ART GALLERY, Sadarpur Road, 21st October 2011. Those corporate sell outs don’t know a thing about art; they just put up paintings by anybody who can afford to pay them. More the payment greater is the painting for them. Bloody illiterates can’t even draw a circle to save their life, but they have the authority to judge my paintings. And guess what they said? They said my paintings are obscene. The depiction of human form is too blatant. Bloody hypocrites, can’t even acknowledge their own body, and still have the audacity to judge MY paintings. They feel my paintings make no sense and lack the appeal. They even advised me to use more colours. Can you believe the audacity?  They are advising ME. They are the judge of MY work. I will make paintings using only black colour, it’s my work and my wish, let me see who stops me.”

Arjun noticed a streak of aggression and madness in Abhay’s eyes when he was speaking about the art gallery. Abhay looked like a decent fellow when he was calm and smiling, but that demeanour changed very quickly whenever he talked about something which was non-conforming to his expectations. Abhay was back to scratching the table.

Arjun, “there’s another incident wherein you attacked the editor of a magazine. It says you attempted to murder him”

Abhay again smiled and continued scratching at the table.

Arjun, “well..?”

Abhay, “Attempt to murder… Right..! Tell me officer, does holding the collar of a guy and slapping him few times count as attempt to murder?”

Arjun, “But you can’t just go on and start assaulting anyone.”

Abhay, “that anyone said my poems are crap and I should be mentally treated.”

Arjun, “poems..?? So you write poems too..?”

Abhay, “yes I have all the traits of self-destruction..!” (he chuckled)

Arjun, “but just because someone has rejected your work, it doesn’t mean you should just go and start assaulting them. If he has rejected your poem, you could have gone to others.”

Abhay’s eyes flared up once again as he looked at Arjun, “You mean like the salesman selling washing powder I too should’ve gone from door to door, requesting and cajoling everyone to buy my product. Do you know officer, how does it feel when your months of hard work are called crap on your face..? To work on something with all your heart; then putting it up in front of others to listen to their jeers. To be told on your face that your work is for mentally retarded. The editor about whom you are talking said it is better to be hit on the head by a stone rather than reading my poems. So I tried to make him feel how it feels to be hit on the head. Would you like to be hit on the head officer??” (And he chuckled).

Arjun was surprised, “I don’t get you”

Abhay, “would you like to listen to the poem which the editor rejected?”

Arjun, “Go on, I guess”

Abhay, “it is titled FIRE.

The fire dwelling in me,

I feel it burn,

It takes me to a forbidden place,

From where there's no return.

It beats the silence of the nights,

Neither can it be seen,

It stays, like a hungry demon,

Only to devour me.

It comes out in the darkest nights,

Ever so helpless, I feel,

And even though I can't see it under the shimmering light,

Believe me, it’s real.

The fire dwelling in me,

It eats me up alive,

It tries to kill me, once for all,

But I'll live, I'll fight.”

Arjun was at a loss to say anything. From whatever understanding he had of poems, this seemed to be a good one. Just then, a constable opened the door of the interrogation room and gestured something to Arjun. Arjun nodded.

Arjun, “Excuse me for a moment Abhay. I will be right back.”

Abhay was intently looking at the table and scratching it, he didn’t say anything.

------------------------------

Arjun came out of the interrogation room and headed towards the control room. Dr. Maitra was sitting there; he was the departmental psychologist and was responsible for counselling of staff and to analyse the psychological traits of the suspects during the interrogation. He was a cheerful old fellow.

Dr. Maitra, “so young man.?? I guess your girlfriend is going to be mad at you for ditching today’s date”

Arjun, smiled wryly, “yes sir.”

Dr. Maitra, “anyways, we have got an interesting case in our hands. From the video feed which I have been watching till now, I can infer that he suffers from Dissociative identity disorder with extreme self-induction.”

Arjun flinched at the first mention of technical term.!

Dr. Maitra smiled and explained, “it is a psychological disorder in which a person detaches himself from his identity and starts behaving in a different manner altogether. He starts believing false notions about himself. Our guy normally knows that he may not be that great an artist, but when he encounters a situation where his work is getting rejected, he dissociates himself from his normal identity and makes himself believe that he is a great artist and reacts accordingly. Cases like this happen due to various reasons; lack of emotional support, lack of self-esteem, lack of sense of accomplishment etc. may force a person to self-motivation. Due to lack of emotional interactions such a person becomes heavily dependent on his self-projected image, in this case, the image of being a great artist is the only emotional support Abhay has. I gathered from his file that he is a loner and no one has ever seen his family. There is no one to give him emotional support but this guy is determined to be an artist so he projected an image of being a great artist on himself and upon facing a stressful situation, he behaves accordingly.”

Arjun, “I did not completely follow what you said, but I’ll have to say, I found him a decent guy at times.” 

Dr. Maitra, “that’s another exhibition of his disorder. He is normally a nice guy, but when he is faced with a stressful situation, he dissociates himself and turns into this great artist, in his own head of course. At one hand he thinks writing a poem is a trait of self-destruction, but still he does it and he believes he is a great poet, so when his poem is rejected he goes and beats up the editor guy. Guys like him are capable of doing both good and evil, in huge proportions. The switch from the stable to unstable condition is very rapid and at times it is difficult to establish the real nature of the person”

Arjun, “yeah that is evident.”

Dr. Maitra, “The reason I called you from the interrogation room is because the post mortem report of the chemist guy came in a while back. It was a gruesome affair. The guy held the chemist by his hairs and smashed his face onto the counter. The counter was made of glass. The glass broke after the first 2 or 3 smashes. The broken pieces of glass got embedded on the entire face of the chemist. There were 23 fractures on the facial bones. The post mortem guys could not find anything remotely similar to nose or lips on the chemist guy. The impact of smashing was so high that the ligaments holding the brain to the skull got torn and the brain was detached from the skull. The face was so badly disfigured that the guys at the post mortem were horrified to even look at the body. This guy wanted to hurt the shemist so badly that he didn’t stopped even after the chemist died. He pounded the chemist’s head at least 5-6 times after the chemist ws dead”

Arjun, “But he said, he just wanted to stop the chemist’s laughter”

Dr. Maitra, “that’s what rage can do to a person. Abhay in that state was filled with so much hate that he couldn’t realise when the man died. His only desire at that time was to hurt the chemist as much as possible”

Arjun was silent. He was picturing the scene, where a guy was smashing the face of another guy in a crowded market place. What must have been the intensity of the act that no one dared to come and stop him?

Arjun, “Sir, tell me what more do I need to know. This guy gave me his confession at the very beginning. The case is solid, there’s no way he’s going to escape the death sentence.”

Dr. Maitra, “as per the case is concerned we have more than enough, but I am getting interested in his psychological profile. Try if you can get any more details out of him.”

Arjun, “right sir. As it is today’s date is not going to happen. So itdoesn’t matter if I leave office at 7 pm or 3 am..:D”

Dr. Maitra, “my boy, I know I’m making you do extra work. But trust me, it’ll be worth it. You are new in the department; a favourable feedback will go a long way to move ahead in your career.”

Arjun smiled.

-------------------------

When Arjun returned to the interrogation room, Abhay was still engrossed in scratching the table. Arjun wondered what the hell is he scratching since so long on the table and looked closely. Abhay was making a form remotely similar to a bull, but instead of legs it appeared to have paint brushes . Arjun shrugged and took his seat.

Arjun, “so Abhay, tell me, who all are there in your family?”

Abhay (not looking up from the table), “there was only Pari and no one else. But she too died, because I couldn’t get her pain killers in time.”

Arjun, “tell me about your paintings.”

Abhay, (looking up with a sarcastic smile) “suddenly you are interested in paintings officer? What shall I tell you regarding it? Do you have the brains for it?” (He chuckled)

Arjun was feeling uneasy. He was trained for interrogation not for questioning a person to develop his psychological profile. And despite having that lengthy disorder which Dr. Maitra explained, Abhay was not a stupid guy.

Arjun, “tell me, why you only use black colours in your paintings?”

Abhay, “black is my favourite colour.”

Arjun, “why is it so?”

Abhay, “BLACK 

As I close my eyes

The shine of the world turns into black

The fake smiles are lost

My heart beats are left - all across.

Every season looks the same

Fame - name - the life game

Life is simpler when

lost in black

As I close my eyes

I see the blackness

The colour of your eye

I see your smile

The scent of your breath

I can sense it from miles

As I close my eyes

I see the past of mine

The one with golden shine

I search for you

The wetness is all I find.

As I close my eyes

I see the hopeful gleam

The expectations they dream

I see their faith - to which I bound.

The care and love they wrap me around.

With that 'responsibility' of love

I scream in black.

As I close my eyes

The sight is black

Sounds whack.

Imaginations dissolve

Plans evolve.

Dreams meet desires

Black makes it a fire.

And therefore officer, BLACK is my favourite colour.”

When Abhay was reciting the poem, his grave rich baritone was filling up the whole room. Even the armed security guard seemed mesmerised by the poem. Arjun was at a loss to say anything. Abhay returned to scratching the table. Arjun was struggling to find something to talk about. He flipped through the file to find any cue to talk.

Arjun, “A witness, in his statement described you as a trouble maker in neighbourhood. What do you have to say about that?”

Abhay, (chucked again), “you know officer, right since the ancient times, great personalities are considered lunatics, trouble makers, anti-social etc. There is a long list of such names; Vincent Van Gough was told that he can’t even draw a single straight line whom does he expect to buy his paintings. He died a solitary death with only his brother by his side. The same paintings which were rejected were later sold for millions. The Russian artist Pavel Filonov starved to death but still refused to sell his paintings to private collectors, who had lots of money but no sense of appreciation to art. You don’t need to go very far, our very own Munshi Premchand struggled whole his life to ensure the next meal. People called him foolish but still he never gave up. Everyone talks about Gurudev Rabindranath Tagore, do you know there was a certain poet called KAAJI NAZRUL ISLAM from Bengal. His life was plagued by tragedies. Due to repeated shocks at one point of time he lost his mental balance. On the streets of Asansol he used to throw stones at those who used to jeer at him. Still he returned back from it and created masterpieces but he never got the due recognition he deserved. (As he continued speaking, his tone was getting increasingly aggressive). Have you ever heard of the HUNGRYALIST MOVEMENT in West Bengal..? I doubt you have. It is one of the darkest chapters in the history of Bengali literature. It was a literary movement launched by Shakti Chattopadhyay, Malay Roy Choudhury, Samir Roy Choudhury, Subimal Basak and Debi Roy during the 1960s in Kolkata. The approach of the Hungryalists was to confront and disturb the prospective readers' preconceived colonial morality. Their counter-discourse was the first voice of post-colonial freedom of pen and brush. But the bloody government could not tolerate that few artists showed the courage to stand up against them and hit back. .. Due to their involvement in this cultural movement, the leaders lost their jobs and were jailed. There is a long list of writers; Binoy Majumdar, Sandipan Chattopadhyay, Basudeb Dasgupta, Falguni Roy, Subhash Ghosh, Utpalkumar Basu, Anil Karanjai, Saileswar Ghosh, Tridib Mitra, Alo Mitra, Ramananda Chattopadhyay Karunanidhan Mukhopadhyay, Subo Acharya who dared to defy the government and stand up against Victorian morality of those times, but they were convicted on the charges of treachery and public obscenity. They were tagged “ TROUBLE MAKERS” by the common crowd of that time, as I am being called trouble maker today by that guy who registered his statement with you.” 

Arjun was stunned by the extent of knowledge this guy had regarding art and literature.

Abhay continued, “one day they will realise the real worth of my work. They will have to acknowledge my work. That will be the day when I will be smiling and they will be scratching their worthless heads wondering why they couldn’t understand me before.”

Arjun, “I sure hope so. But you killed a guy. In our penal code you will get at least life term or the death sentence.”

Abhay was back at working on his drawing, rather scratching the table, “ I hardly care, even people like Van Gough got their due recognition after death only. And as for that chemist, I am not even sorry. He insulted Pari, he had to go down”

Arjun flipped through the file to find a statement.

Arjun, “the officer who arrested you from your home stated the convict was sitting by the dead body of a dog. He held his head in his hands. The convict did not resist arrest.  Tell me, where was the dead body of your Pari when our officers went to arrest you..?”

Abhay stopped scratching the table. But he didn’t look up.

Arjun,” Abhay?”

Abhay, “I was sitting by her side”

Arjun, in a tone of surprise” that means you were out to get pain killers for your dog? You killed the chemist because he refused to lend you pain killers for your dog?”

Abhay, still not looking up, “her name is Pari”

The guard standing at the back snickered.

Everything happened in a blink of an eye. Before Arjun could realise anything, Abhay lunged towards the guard with one hand still handcuffed to the handle of the chair, “You are laughing? You pathetic excuse of a man… I killed that chemist guy, now I will kill you.”

Abhay was pulling the collar of the guard with his free hand. Arjun tried to separate the two, but somehow Abhay was able to take out the side arm of the guard from his holster belt.

His back was against the wall. They say when there is no other option left to a man; he is possessed by certain madness. A madness stemming from the primeval instinct to survive at any cost. But the madness which was filling Abhay’s eyes was something different. Amidst the fluorescent lighting, his young, unshaven, bony face was looking tired. Whenever Arjun or the guard tried approaching him, he dangerously waved the pistol warning everyone not to come any step closer.

The guard called in for back-up but they were of no use in that cramped room.

Arjun,” Calm down Abhay. Put the pistol down. There is no reason for you to kill anyone.”

Abhay’s eyes were filled with madness “do you know officer, why I draw my paintings in BLACK? It is because black is the colour closest to our lives. Black is what we get when everything is absorbed, just like our lives which takes in everything and leaves us with nothing but blackness. When I close my eyes, guess what I will see…… BLACK…”

Saying this he put the pistol in his mouth. The guard lunged towards Abhay to tackle him down but it was too late.

Abhay was looking straight in Arjun’s eyes; , just before he pulled the trigger there was a hint of smile in his eyes. 0.45 ACP cartridge from a M1191 pistol, shattered the back side of his skull, splattering blood on to the walls. Few drops of blood also splashed on to the table, where Abhay was scratching to make something.

Upon looking closely one could see a bull with very long horns and paint brushes as its legs was charging through a queue of faceless human figures, cutting their torso with its horn. Few human figures could be seen lying down with their cut bodies. Few were on the verge of getting cut; few of the faceless figures were still a safe distance away. The splashed blood finally added some suitable colour to the otherwise black and white drawing.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Mr. Shyamlal finished reading the script. He tossed it onto the table. Abhyuday was eagerly waiting for his response.

Mr. Shyamlal, “it’s okay. Nothing much though. For me it’s a bit too depressing. Also it is confusing for me. I mean there’s so much going on, a mad artist, dead geniuses, a doctor making psychological profile, a young officer, then that dog... I mean bitch... what’s her name… (he picked up the script to check) … yes. Pari. I think it is lacking clarity of thoughts”

Abhyuday, “but sir it is about an artist who wanted to be great but the life was not kind to him”

Mr. Shyamlal, laughing, “See my boy. Life is not kind to everyone. But to make a successful commercial film we have to show the bright side of life. Everybody already has so much tension, why will they pay money to watch such a depressing story. And if it’s not profitable then as a producer how can I sanction it.”

Abhyuday, “but sir, we can’t ignore the dark side of life no?  We have to show it as well in our works”

Mr. Shyamlal, “see that’s the problem with writers like you,, you just don’t understand commerce. Public wants to laugh, they want to feel good. With that story of yours no one will come to watch the film. If the film flops, it will be a huge loss of money, and then who will pay it.?? You?” (he snickered again)

Abhyuday, “but sir…”

Mr. Shyamlal, stopping him mid-way, “enough discussion bachhe. I have entertained you for so long because your writing style seemed nice to me. I will give you a suggestion, why don’t you try a love story between the officer Arjun and a gangster girl. It will be a nice commercial film. Picture this, “SHYAMLAL FILMS PRESENTS… LOVE STORY OF A DILLIGENT OFFICER… TORN BETWEEN LOVE AND DUTY…WHOM WILL HE CHOOSE…? FIND OUT IN “KHOONI PREMIKA”. Hell… that’s got a nice ring to it, isn’t it.? People will dig it. KHOONI… PREMIKA. Niice”

Mr. Shyamlal was amused by how talented he was at coining names for blockbusters, while Abhyuday seriously considered how many smashes will be required before the brain of Mr. Shyamlal gets detached from his skull.

 /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

# A humble dedication to all those artists who deserved fame but never get it, who could have been great but it didn't happen.. who had to die a solitary death...alone

# poem courtesy FIRE : ARPA RAY

BLACK : SURABHI YADAV 

Knowing ahead

Happiness is a very strange thing. I mean its strange how we can be happy by the smallest of things. Getting up early morning and seeing a cloudy sky was one such thing for Anirudh. And the fact that today was his day off made his mood even more jubilant. He left his bed at 5 am. Exercised a bit.  Cleaned up his apartment.  Next he had to take bath and put last night’s pizza in the oven. That was his breakfast..!  He had planned this day differently. He was supposed to meet his girl friend at 12’o clock for lunch. After that they were supposed to go for a movie. Then spend some “QUALITY TIME” together….! After that they would be going for dinner and another movie before kissing her good bye for the night. So obviously he was jubilant that day.

Anirudh was a young professor at an engineering college.  He was currently living in a rented apartment. He was pursuing Ph.D too. So was his long time long time girl friend Sagarika.  Just the thought of seeing her pretty face was making him happy.

He took his bath and came out, humming a tune. Put the pizza in the oven. Newspaper was delivered. He picked it up and reclined on his sofa to read the cartoon section. It was his habit to read the cartoon section first before going on to other things.

Just then he was startled by an unfamiliar sound TRINGGG TRINGGGG. His landline was ringing. He had taken up the land line connection because of the internet and as such did not use it much. So he was a bit surprised on getting call on that number. Not many people had that number.

He picked up the phone.

Anirudh, “hello.”

 A grave voice came from the other side, “what  if u could see the future”

Anirudh was taken aback. He was confused, “ excuse me…?? Who’s this …?? ”

From the other side, “my Fuhrer lives on”

Anirudh’s mind was racing. He was getting this felling that he has heard the voice somewhere. The voice did sounded familiar but he was not sure.

Anirudh, “ may I know who’s this.?”

From the other side , “  sure u can a-hole. This is schindler”

Memory is a weird thing. As soon as Anirudh heard the word a-hole it flashed in his mind.

Anirudh, “ DHRUV SEN…!!! U sucker.. where have u been all these days..??? you just vanished man. What are doing..?? I was thinking I have heard this nonsense before”

Dhruv , “haa hahaaa.. got you u a-hole. Tell honestly, u have forgotten me completely no..??”

Anirudh, “ not at all my dear schindler…! I was just too busy. Its been like.. what.. 13 years..?? after we completed 10^th , papa got transferred and we separated. I missed you man. I really did. Especially those discussions on historical stuffs in your semi dark room. And your bull shit regarding super natural stuffs. ”

Dhruv, “ but you always sucked at history. God knows how CBSE let people like you pass the subject.”

Anirudh, “ I know man. History was never my thing. Leave all these. You still remember those nick names. I mean really dude.’

Dhruv, “ yeah buddy. Hail Hitler.. he he”

Anirudh, “ how did you get this number. Where are you nowadays..??”

Dhruv , “ I am in delhi dude. Just returned from germany.”

Anirudh, “ mannnn..!! germany.. what did you went to germany for..?? what are you doing ..?? you in business or something..??”

Dhruv, “ fuhrer you know very well I am not meant for business. I did my masters in History. I teach history at JNU. Went to germany to gather material for my thesis.”

Anirudh, “ wow man.. seriously. You are living your passion. That sounds so great you know. I am so happy for you dude. You are doing what you always wanted to do. And thesis for what??”

Dhruv, “ its my Ph.D dissertation. On mysterious death of schindler and Hitler.”

Anirudh, “ awesome. So you still pursuing your search for virus telly. He he.. I thought that was a legend”

[ for those who are unfamiliar. Schindler was hitler’s war scientist. He was infamous for conducting experiments on prisoners of war. Legend says he had developed a VIRUS TELLY. The possessor of mother virus would be able to get full compliance from those infected by the children virus. He completed his research on the day when Hitler committed suicide. Hearing about his fuhrer’s death he blows off his underground lab and commits suicide too. Some say it is the greatest cover up in german history since bodies of Schindler and Hitler were never found and identified. Conspiracy theorists say that if Schindler had completed his research one day earlier then the history of modern world would have been written differently.  ]

Dhruv, “legend is distorted reality my fuhrer.”

Anirudh, “ ya ya.. dude tell me where you are right now. I will go pick you up. Can’t wait to meet you man. “

Dhruv, “I am in rohini. Listen, don’t come from the direction of rithala metro. The road is damaged due to rains. Take right after ROHINI EAST”

Anirudh, “ sure thing man. See you schindler..!”

Right at the moment when he put the receiver down, his cell rang, playing the theme tune of titanic. In an instant he comprehended that the call is from Sagarika since he has assigned this tune to Sagarika’s number. The next moment he realized that he is in trouble. He just promised to meet Dhruv but he was supposed to spend the day with his girlfriend.

Anirudh, “ hi sweetie.”

Sagarika, “ hi baby. Listen I am sorry. I won’t be able to come today. I am not feeling well. Maybe I got fever”

Anirudh got tensed hearing this. He said, “ don’t worry I am coming will take you to doc.”

Now anirudh was in a fix. He had promised to meet dhurv but in excitement he forgot to take his number from him. Since the call was on landline he can’t call him back, on the other hand sagarika was ill.

Just then the landline rang once again. And instinctively Anirudh knew it was Dhruv on the other side.

Dhruv, “ hey fuhrer come after 4 pm please. I have got some work to do”

Anirudh, “thank god you called up man. Listen my girlfriend is ill. maybe I won’t be able to come today”

Dhruv, “ fuhrer, you will have to come today bro. tomorrow I may not be here. Don’t know if we will get the chance to meet again or not”

Anirudh, “ hey man. Stop talking like that. We both are in delhi we can meet up anytime. But since you are insisting, listen you have work till 4 pm no..? in that time I will take my girl friend to doc and back to her P.G. after that I will come straight to your place. its ok with you.??”

Dhruv, “sure thing man. See you. And write down my number 9953167*^#”

Anirudh skipped his breakfast. Took out his car and headed straight to his girlfriend’s place. when he reached there he found that sagarika was in bed covered in blanket. Her roomie Vishaka was sitting by her side.

Vishaka, “ here comes the lover..!”

Anirudh, “hi Vishaka.” Then moving up to sagarika’s side, “ how are you sweetie..?”

Sagarika, “ not good.”

Anirudh, “ okk. Don’t worry. Lets go to doc. I have brought my car.”

Anirudh took her to doc. Doc said its nothing. Just seasonal fever. Last night Sagarika went to sleep with her a.c on and because of the rain last night she got a bit of body temperature. She would be fine by morning. Anirudh was relieved upon hearing this. He took her back to her P.G and made her lie down on bed and covered her up with blanket.

Vishaka came in from the other room, “ chooo chweeett..!!”

Anirudh and sagarika both smiled mildly.

Sagarika to anirudh, “ thanks baby.”

Anirudh just kissed her softly on her head and sat down by her side holding one of her hand in his palms.

Anirudh, “sweetie I had to go meet up a very old friend of mine. Tomorrow he will be leaving and not sure when he will be coming back. So would you be fine if I go and meet him. He is in rohini and I will be back in 3 hours at max.”

Sagarika, “ok. I am fine now. Tell my medicines to vishaka. And do meet me on your way back home.’

Anirudh explained the medicines to vishaka and told her to take care of sagarika. He bent down over the bed and again kissed sagarika on her forehead.

Vishaka, “ you know lips are a better place to kiss..!”

Anirudh, “ shut up and do take care of my sweetie.”

Vishaka, “ yeah, mujhe to aur koi kaam bhi nahi hai na..” and broke out in a giggle.

Anirudh left her P.G and headed straight to rohini. He was excited to meet Dhruv. Both of them were inseparable in their childhood. Dhruv had a knack of reading. He was particularly interested in those aspects of history which is still mysterious. Like the conspiracy theory that America faked Neil Armstrong’s voyage to moon. Conspiracy theorists claim that the whole episode was shot at Hollywood just to be able to compete with Russia during the periods of cold war. He also read a lot regarding mysterious disappearance of Netaji Shubhash Chandra Bose.  He heavily indulged in Nostradamus’s prophecy. Character’s like Rasputin, Tutankhamen, flying Dutchman, Houdini, Schindler immensely interested him. He was obsessed with Schindler since the time he read of his attempt of making virus telly. Dhruv was not much of a social creature. He was always engrossed in books. Dhruv had no friend except Anirudh. And with Anirudh he used to discuss all these stuffs. Though Anirudh was not much of a fan of history but he liked hearing these mysterious things from history. After his class 10^th, Anirudh’s father got transferred and he lost touch with Dhruv. He got his call after 13 years today morning. Nostalgia was gripping every part of his body.

He reached Pitampura. From there he was a bit confused which route to follow. He asked an auto rickshaw wala for directions. He said to follow the metro line till Rithala and then turn left form there. Anirudh remembered that Dhruv has asked him not to come from the direction of Rithala.

Anirudh, “ but that road is damaged no.. is there any other route.?”

Auto rickshaw wala, “ no sir. The road is fine. I just dropped 2 passengers on that route. It’s perfectly fine. There are other routes but it will take you extra 25 minutes to reach rohini using those routes.”

Anirudh was in a fix. He decided to use the Rithala road. But he was a bit hesitant so he asked another rickshaw wala regarding the road. He too said the road is fine. So anirudh followed the road till rithala. Just he was about to reach rithala he saw a long traffic jam. He asked one guy in bike what happened.

Bike guy, “ electric pole has broken down and has obstructed the road. All the traffic is being diverted.’

Anirudh was frustrated. He was angry on the auto rickshaw walas. They claim to know everything and end up getting others harassed. Anyway he followed the traffic and after 40 minutes of drive full of frustrations he reached the address given by Dhruv.

It was in the outskirts of Rohini. It was a simple one storey kothi. There was a little open space in front and it was full of overgrowth. The house itself looked unkempt and clearly lacking maintenance. The paint was peeling off from the walls. The front gate door was rusting. It was around 5pm but due to heavy clouds it was quite dark. He was standing at the front gate thinking what to do, he couldn’t find a calling bell and he wasn’t sure whether or not he should shout. He thought he should call the number. He took out his mobile from pocket and was dialing the number when he was shocked by a sudden heavy baking. He nearly dropped his mobile. A big german shepherd was barking at its full strength. He was jumping and trying to get over the gate and Anirudh was sure if he could come out of the gate he’s gonna surely tear his throat…!

Just then he heard a heavy voice. “ BRUNO…”

The dog instantly calmed down. Anirudh looked to find out the source of the baritone and he could see a tall lanky figure coming out from the house. He was in jeans and t shirt. long hairs, unkempt beard. He had a heavy spectacle.  He walked with a slight limp. Anirudh had a feeling that this is Dhruv. Dhruv waved at him while walking towards him.

Dhruv, “ hail my Hitler..”

Anirudh, “ hi there Schindler..”

Dhruv came and started opening the gate. Anirudh said wont it be a good idea to tie your bruno somewhere.

Dhruv, “ don’t worry. He’s just not used to visitors. In fact you are the first visitor he has seen. He’s a very sweet buddy.”

Looking at the big and imposing figure of Bruno, anirudh was just not able to associate the word sweet with him!

Dhruv welcomed anriudh in his humble abode. It was dark outside. So he switched on the light. But rather than illuminating the room, it only augmented the darkenss. The bulb was not very powerful. But as soon as the light was switched on, Anirudh was struck by the number of books that were stashed in the room. There were 3 almirahs full of books. There were books on the dining table. There were books on the sofa. There were books on the tv cabinet. And this was the case when this room was supposed to be his drawing room..!

Dhruv came back with glass of water.

Anirudh, “ don’t you think there’s too much of books around”

Dhruv, “ nah. I try not to congest the drawing room…!!”

Anirudh and dhruv both smiled.

Dhruv, “ so buddy. Tell me how have you been..? what you did after 10^th. Must have taken up Science..??”

Anirudh, ‘ yepp. Took science. Then did B.Tech in Mechanical Engineering. Then M.Tech in Production Engineering. Now working as a faculty in an engineering college. Pursuing Ph.D as well.”

Dhruv, “ wow man. I knew fuhrer will do something good in life.”

Anirudh, “ what about you..?? you took humanities right..??”

Dhruv, “ yeah. Did graduation in History from JNU. Masters again in history. Now working on my  Ph.D”

Anirudh, “ cool man. I too expected you to do something like this. How was the trip to germany man…?? You know many of my friends have been to foreign. Only I am being a frog of well..!!”

Dhruv, “ its no big deal man. Yeah went there to find out some facts regarding theearly life and times of Schindler.”

Anirudh, laughing a little, “what’s up with this Schindler man..?? you still seriously pursuing the issue. I thought it was just a childhood joke. He he”

Dhruv, in an angry hissing voice, “ History is NOT a joke for me”

Anirudh was taken aback by this reaction. He didn’t expected Dhruv to react in this manner.

Anirudh, “ hey I am sorry man. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Dhruv, “ no I am sorry bro. actually in this life I have been just the butt of jokes of everyone. You know na, I never had any friends. Everyone thinks I am weird. After yu left I could never have a conversation for even 15 minutes with anyone. I knew you wont joke with my eagerness for history. But at last you too did it”

Anirudh, ‘ I am sorry brother. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just joking. Lets’ forget this for old time’s sake.’

Dhruv, “ yeah. Let’s get something to eat. Since you are here today, let’s go out and have dinner form outside”

Anirudh, “ but its just 6 pm. And moreover you will have to excuse me for today. My girlfriend is ill. gotta see her on my way back”

Dhruv, “ I wont listen to anything. Lets go out for old time’s sake man.”

Anirudh was apprehensive not to make him angry again. So he had to consent.

They went to a nearby restaurant AAPKI RASOI. But dinner was not available there that early. So dhruv said lets go for a dhaba in the highway. They serve excellent food there. It started raining. The weather was very fine, but Anirudh was worried for his girlfriend. He thought of calling her up but there was no network.

Dhruv , “ take a left from here.”

They had reached SANGAM DHABA. Dhurv ordered butter naan and shahi paneer.

Anirudh, “ wow. You too like them. I just love butter naan and shahi paneer man.”

Dhruv, “ yeah they are awesome”

They had the food. Dhruv was a bit silent for sometime. Anirudh did notice it and asked him but Dhruv said its nothing he is just craving for a smoke. He gave up smoking just a few days back and he still craved for a smoke often but he is persevering.

They were back on the highway. It was around 45 minutes drive till Dhruv’s place. Anirudh was driving.

Anirudh, “ so dude. Tell me what you want to do in future..??”

Dhruv let out a mild laugh, “ I want do want to do a thing but only if you allow me.”

Anirudh, “ what thing..?? how does I fit in..??”

Dhruv, “ its been long since I have driven a car. Will you allow me to drive your car..??”

Anirudh, “ oh. Sure man but promise you are a good driver.”

Dhruv, “ yeah, you can trust me. I won’t let you die.”

Anirudh found his replies increasingly weird. But he thought maybe years of being isolated from societal interaction have made him unable to have normal conversation. He and Dhurv switched their places.

Dhruv looked at his watch. “ its 7 :30 pm. Maybe you won’t be able to meet your girl today”

Anirudh, “ no man. I will have to go and meet her. Otherwise she and her roomie Vishaka will kill me..!!”

Dhruv again let out a mild laugh, “ you did good man. You have friends t care for and friends who care for you. Wish I had some friends like those”

Anirudh, “ hey man. Come on. Now I have found you I will pester you till you  give up your isolation. We will find a book wormish type of girl for you. And then both of you can dig out historical facts.  It’s time to say goodbye to your old life.’

Dhruv again let out a mild laugh, “ well I too guess that its time to say good bye soon”

Anirudh didn’t understood what he was talking about. Both were silent for some time.

Dhruv, “ what if you could see the future..??”

Anirudh, “ what..?? what future..?? who’s future..??”

Dhruv, “suppose you could see your future. Say for the day ahead, would it be a good thing or bad thing..??”

Anirudh understood that Dhruv is still stuck with his nature of discussing weird things. During their childhood too, they used to run such impossible scenarios. Like, what if batman was made the president of country. It was good fun.

Anirudh, “ it would be the best thing. See if I had known you are going to call me today, then I would have got a gift for you. Maybe a big voluminous book on history.”

Dhruv, “ dear fuhrer , I already have almost all the big voluminous book on history..”

Anirudh, “ that was just an example. But it would be nice to know before hand which questions the students are going to ask. To know what quaetions would be there in question paper. You know that way we can control our future’

Dhruv, again in an angry hissing voice, “ no one can control the future”

Anirudh was again taken aback. They were silent again for sometime.

Dhruv, “ you wondered from where did I got your number..??”

Anirudh really din’t knew from where did he got the number that too the landline number.

Anirudh, “ no”

Dhruv, “ I saw myself dialing it”

Anirudh, laughing, “ right”

Dhruv, “ you not believing me…??”

Anirudh, “ listen to yourself dude. You saw yourself dialing the number. Does that sound believable to you…?”

Dhruv again looked at his watch. , “ you know I did not had any work today, I told you that so that you can take your girl to doc”

Anirudh was till laughing, “ right. So did sagarika called you to tell me that you have work till 4pm”

Dhruv, “ no I saw that”

Anirudh, “ come on man. Cut it out. You are stretching a joke too far”

Dhruv, in that hissing voice, “ its not a joke. Do you think its easy knowing the future. Do you think it was easy when I saw myself in accident breaking my leg,..?? do you think it was easy when I saw my research paper being rejected..?? do you think its easy to see your life getting destroyed and not being able to do anything. All this is a joke to you..??”

Anirudh, “ dude what are you saying..?’

Dhruv, “ have you noticed I walk with a limp..?”

Anirudh, “ yes”

Dhruv, “ I saw me and my car getting in an accident. Due to fear, that day I didn’t went out anywhere. But still I couldn’t save it. I fell from stairs the next day and broke my leg. I never tried driving after that day. You know you can avoid it but can’t cancel it”

Anirudh was at a loss to say anything. Dhruv went on and on and he was continuously increasing the speed of the car.

Dhruv, “ every morning. Every damn morning I see these dreams. I see it like a movie. I see everything that’s gonna happen. I see myself going out. Doing my things. I see any accident that will happen. I see my students making fun of me when I am writing on board. I see other faculties calling me weird. I see that I have achieved nothing in this life.”

The car was now touching 100 kmph. Anirudh was panicking.

Anirudh, “ dhruv…. DHRUV. Slow down the car.’

Dhruv stopped the car to the side of the road. He kept his head on the steering wheel. He was sobbing.

Dhruv, “ I was just wanted to do something good. I just wanted to study history, I never did anything bad to anyone. Why did I got this weird thing on me fuhrer..??? tell me fuhrer, why my life turned up like this..??”

He continued sobbing. Outside the rain was getting heavier.

Anirudh, “ hey man. I cant say about the dream kind of thing which you see but I sure can tell you one thing, I am here now and I wont leave your side. Believe me, I did tried finding you. After graduation I went to that locality in NOIDA but I couldn’t find you. No one was able to tell anything about your family. But your bro is here now.”

Dhruv, “ but its too late my fuhrer.”

Anirudh, “ what do you mean???”

Dhurv looked up from the steering wheel, his eyes were strange, “ today morning I saw a dream. I saw myself dialing your number. I saw myself talking to you. I saw myself telling you to come after 4pm and not to take the RITHALA route”

Anirudh was getting nervous, “ then’

Dhruv, “ I saw BRUNO barking at you. I saw myself welcoming you. You are in a hurry but I saw that we are having dinner at SANGAM. After that I saw myself driving us back”

Anirudh, “ then.” Dhruv again put his head on the steering wheel above his hands.

Dhruv, “ I saw myself parking your car to side and telling you everything. I saw you consoling me. Telling me you will be there for me. But I will say its too late”

Horror. Horror was gradually gripping Anirudh’s body. Dhruv continued.

Dhruv, “ it’s a rainy day. Our lights are off. Trucks ply on this road. A heavy loaded 24 wheeler truck will come.”

From the distance Anirudh could see a stream of light cutting through the rain.

Dhruv, “ visibility is reduced. You can’t really blame the truck driver. Also due to rain the road is slippery. Brakes are not that effective”

Gradually the stream of light diverged in 2 streams of light.

Anirudh had panicked, “ DHRUV. DHRUV.. a truck is coming. Move the car. Switch on the headlights at least. Move.. MOVE.”

Dhruv, “ car cant move fuhrer. Tank is empty.”.

Anirudh was getting restless. The truck was approaching. Dhruv again looked up at Anirudh.

Dhruv, “I am happy that I took my last meal with you”

Anirudh, “ NO. get out of the car. NOW”

The truck had spotted the car and it was pressing the horn. The driver was wildly gesticulating to move out. Anirudh took off his seat belt and had opened the door but Dhruv was un moved. He was sitting at wheel calmly looking at the approaching truck.

Anirudh got inside and tried opening his seat belt, Dhruv was not even trying to get up, the truck was just 20 metres away now, the brakes have been applied but due to slippery road the truck was skidding.

Dhurv lunged towards Anirudh, there was a gleam in his eyes, he said, “ I can avoid it but can’t cancel it. I prefer dying in front of my fuhrer rather than dying alone. MY FUHRER LIVES ON”, saying this he pushed Anirudh out of the car. 

Anirudh fell and rolled down the slope on the side. The truck came and rammed the car. Crushing the front  half of it.

Anirudh, “ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….”

Screaming NOOOOOOO Anirudh rolled over his sofa. It took him around 20-30 seconds to realize all this was a dream. There were tears in his eyes. From kitchen burning smell of pizza was filling up the room.

Anirudh laughed out in relief. Thank god it was a dream. He went to kitchen to make tea. He thought of having breakfast of tea and lots of biscuits.

Just then he was startled by an unfamiliar sound. TRINGGG TRINGGG. His landline was ringing. Anirudh was hesitant while approaching the phone. He picked it up apprehensively.

Anirudh, “ hello”

A grave voice came from the other side, “ what if you could see the future”

Anirudh’s blood turned cold. Fear was spreading in his body. In a shaking voice he asked, “ excuse me… who’s this.??”

From the other side, “ my fuhrer lives on………..”

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